lifestyle \\ my coping mechanism

I recently went through a rocky patch where I found myself making important life decisions and starting new friendships and altogether it made me question how strong I was to cope with all this. As a result, I found myself seeking solace in only a few close friends and my family whilst putting up my walls and being distant to everyone else.

I didn't realise I did this until my friend confronted me about it and thought she had done something wrong during a recent meet as I was trying to make amends. Yes, I knew I was distancing myself from certain people because I'm a firm believer that too much advice from lots of different sources can hinder rather than help. At the end of the meet, I found myself apologising for my behaviour.

Everyone has different ways of coping with stress, life decisions, grievances etc. And I have discovered that mine is just distance. Space and time does wonders to me and being alone with my thoughts is the only way that I can decipher the things going on in my brain. It may seem unconventional everyone copes in different ways. I sometimes even rally some friends together and go out for a few drinks by ranting about how badly a date went or about something insane that happened at work. 

The true friends would be there for me no matter what. They understand that letting me do my thing is the best course and that they'd just be on the other end of the phone if it all goes bellies up. 

At the end of the day, sometimes all it takes is a good cup of tea to see things more clearly.

Vanessa

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lifestyle \\ the one-sided friendship

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We all have different groups of friends. I have ones that I can be outrageously crazy with, ones that I have serious life talks with, ones I know will come with me on my adventures and ones that I have known for years and have been through the most with me and are still around. Collectively, I couldn't be without them. 

When I form new friendships, my friendship is unconditional. There are no exams you have to pass, I don't have to reveal stuff about my past and make sure you're ok with it before we can officially put the stamp of 'friendship' onto it. A recent new friendship I have formed got me questioning...if someone asked what we knew about each other, I think I could answer pretty well but the other person would probably know zilch about me except from a pre-formed opinion of me. So now I think I'm stuck in this one-sided friendship in which I am giving out free life advice and getting nothing out of it but frustration.

Never one to shy away from a challenge or to give up too easily, I have been told to step away so that I don't get hurt in the long run but I know my walls are back up and it won't go that far. Should friendship ever stretch to the point where you have to put up your walls?

I'm definitely at that age now where I'm happy to meet new people and not to worry about anything because from what I have learnt, worrying won't get you anything but frown lines. But a friendship means more to me than me being there for the other person. Shouldn't they be there for me too and listen to me rant about the fact someone at work made me an awful cup of tea or the fact that I ate an amazing cheese and bacon burger the other day and I can't get over it? The feeling that I have to keep schtum and listen to the other person pour their heart and soul out to me makes me feel sad because I'm only ever an advice helpline to them. 

Perhaps I am jumping to conclusions to quickly and thinking too harshly on the other person but I'm not quite sure how far down the line I should wait until I should step away and think about myself for once.

Such an intense post from me! What are your thoughts? What would you do if you were in a one-sided friendship?

Vanessa

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lifestyle \\ the source of confidence

Someone said to me the other day that I need to deal with my confidence. Bearing in mind, I had only met this person once. Once. I didn't think much of the comment at first then I started thinking a little more and then I realised that I have grown leaps and bounds and I certainly wouldn't recognise the person that I was before.

I think confidence or being comfortable with yourself comes from the people you surround yourself with and the experiences that you go through. My study abroad experience literally turned my whole life around and having to go through a period of time as a struggling graduate also made a big difference to me.

I used to be a shy girl that didn't socialise, had trouble making eye contact with people and looked down at the ground whilst I was walking. I think the source of my lack of confidence at the time came from my body image. I wasn't happy with how I looked and I took action. I slowly shed the pounds. I know I'm not 100% of the way there but it's enough.

Starting blogging and putting myself out there on the internet is something that I thought I'd never do and I've loved the journey so far and how welcoming the blogging community can be. Obviously I have the odd off day here and there but I know I'll always be back here.

Working in an environment where I'm speaking to people on the phone for 10 hours straight and going for job interviews have really brought me out of my shell and I really couldn't have asked for better work colleagues who have listened to me rant and rave and told me to man up when I've made silly decisions. 

What I'm trying to say is that confidence takes time to build up. And although I can be a little shy meeting new people, basing an opinion of me on one meeting is a sure way to knock my confidence back down. I can't tell what kind of person I'll end up being and I know I have so many more experiences to go through and that's the thing I'm looking forward to the most.

If you've made it to the end of this post without clicking that little 'x', snaps for you!

How have your experiences changed the person you are? Do you think you're better for it?

Vanessa

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adventures | london edition

Last time I went to London, I did nothing that I had planned. Me and my friend did the Harry Potter Studios then we didn't do anything else that we wanted to. Last month, we decided to complete our mission and booked tickets for London again! We spent a total of 3 days there last weekend and had so much fun and laughs! Here is a little run-down of what happened...

Train journey went by really fast and I was pretty impressed by the accommodation. The day we got there, we walked to Oxford Street and then stumbled across a little Korean restaurant in the Carnaby area. I've been really into Korean culture and food and I've been wanting to try everything! We had a little Korean barbecue and I had Korean Bibimbap which is rice in a very hot stone bowl with lots of veg in it. SO TASTY!

The next day we did Covent Garden and Laudree. We also met up with my friend's brother and his friend for dim sum in Chinatown which was alright...but obviously food always tastes better with a 15% discount attached to it! Obviously we had to go shopping on Oxford Street and I made a few cheeky purchases!

We had booked afternoon tea at the Kensington Hotel in South Kensington on the Monday. Holy moly, it was sooooo posh! Felt a bit out of place! The sandwiches were really good but the deserts were such a let down despite them looking fantastic. Bland cheesecake anyone?

On our last day, we had a few hours to kill before getting our train so we went back Camden Town to buy some things we had our eye on. We also got a quick bite to eat at a food stall. The Korean guy at the stall was so friendly and chatty and even recognised us from the day before! He made us some Korean Kimbab which is like sushi but made with regular long grain rice. On the way back to the train station, we went to the Hummingbird Bakery and I bought a red velvet cake. Along with a cappuccino, it was the perfect ending to a brilliant trip!

We have finally accomplished everything we have wanted to do in London! Our next adventures will hopefully take us a little further afield...

Vanessa

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january resolution

We all do them don't we? New Years resolutions that is. By week one, we're fed up of the gym, eating salad and picked up the phone and ordered your favourite chinese meal. I'll admit, I'm like that too. It's so difficult to keep up resolutions for an entire year so I thought I would do a resolution month by month.

Each month I will be picking a resolution and dedicating a month to it. It's much more do-able and it'll always be fresh in your mind. I've made a chart and stuck it on my wardrobe door so I always see it. If I managed to complete the chart, I'll get it framed at the end of the year and will be able to reflect upon the year where I actually committed to something!

January is 'photo a day january'. If you follow me on Instagram (loch_nessssss), you will have already seen the first 4 days go up but worry not if you don't have Instagram, I'll be sure to do a weekly round up of the photos I have taken. They don't have to be of anything special, just something that I have done that day, be it food, activities, friends or just chilling out at home. 

I haven't made any long terms plans for the rest of the months but the idea is just to take it one month at a time and see what things I would like to achieve at that time. I'm havering towards the 'Jar of Happiness' idea in February and as it's my birthday in February, it's going to be a good starting point.

Have you ever done monthly resolutions or are you going for the whole year sha-bang? 

P.S. I hope you all had a brilliant Hogmanay and New Year! I'm finally on annual leave from so I'm finally enjoying a well deserved week off work!

Vanessa

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